Losing my religion
Oh, life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up ~ Losing my religion, REM
I have not taken the opportunity to write as I so please. Life has been a busy train and the last time I remembered boarding this train, the ticket said – one way. And so it is, this is train of life for me. I haven’t had the chance to take stock on what’s been going on. It’s been a mix of both – silent avoidance and ignorance on my part. Perhaps, to reflect and to investigate takes up too much in my current capacity.
I fear this year. Honestly, I do.
I feel like I’m losing grip at the moment, things are beginning to slip away for me. Maybe, I am seeing them slip before me in view that I may hold on to something else. I don’t know, it’s never to easy to make life choices I know. This car is getting tired on the aimless road its at, at some points, there have been some great sights and glimpse of the sun, otherwise, it’s been mostly a dull bumpy ride for me.
Workload is compounding, the excellence for accuracy is beyond as I hold most accuracy loosely because I deem it as creativitiy. Call it creative expression or a skiving excuse, but I grind the bender at time in a non-comformative way. Am I a rebel? No. Am I liable? Possibly. Are you able? Hopefully.
Hopefully, I am able to perform efficiently and effectively. One of the key lessons that I have learnt from Pushmore. The times when I fail to perform, I observe and question – why are my neighbours so efficient and effective in their workout. There are some standard foundation answers which I won’t go into here. But candidly, I answer my own case this way, “Long way to go brother…”
I single handedly picked up that to improve or be better at a WOD – one needs to acquire skills to become more efficient. Such examples:-
- Learn Kipping to swap over strict pull ups. You can then join the group, or otherwise hang at the bar and die!
- Learn Double Unders. Best reasons to swap over tuck jumps.
I am enjoying this learning challenge at the moment. For once, I could even barely see anything but the blue stars after the workout, I am now beginning to see the blue skies once again. There is an improvement in recovery. But way off for a better imagery. And, really, that’s the least until performance charges up like a new calvary!
When you rise up like champions, you praise the Lord indeed, like me:
If only I was always feeling all that well in all areas of my life, however such is not the case. There are some aspects that have been nudging me, and it results in me calculating a cut off time for myself. Some say, when you can’t cut it off, you shave it gently. I can barely lift a finger at this point.
In this timely reminder, the question that is thrown upon me is – Are you looking at the forest or you looking at the tree? In that perspective, sets your focus. For me, I feel lost in the forest with the surrounded trees. So what I am looking for? In the cloudy overcast landscape, I am looking for light.
A candle of direction, A flicker of purpose, A shine of destiny, A glow of delight, Be it day or night, To live each day with every might.
As introduced earlier, I am far from the short poetic literature and in its essence makes it so powerful to live by. I am slipping, losing my grip and totally feeling dead tired because I can’t seem to progress till I fully accept what needs to be done and to be in total dependence that my life is not in my control, but He.
I’m sitting out like a cold turkey, waiting to be skinned if I don’t get my feathers together. I am dead tired.
Tagged with: life • personal • writings
Filed under: personal • writing
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