If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I’d ask for all the hate to be swept
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I’d pour my heart out on each page
I’d ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I’d say, I’d say, I’d say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven’t got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we’re on
If I wrote a note to God
I would say what on my mind
I’d ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I’d say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I’d say, I’d say, I’d say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven’t got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we’re on
No, no no no
We can’t do this on our own
So
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven’t got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we’re on
If I wrote a note to God
I came through my door at 11:56pm, remembering that I went through the same door this morning. In a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment in Bangsar, I live alone with the walls and paintings being my only sounding board. For a better or a more ‘real’ relationship, I have a Macbook that engages me on twitter and facebook to get a slice of life. The matter of fact, after doing up the apartment all well and dandy and taking the solo resort path of life for about a year now, I actually feel a little more lost than ever.
(when the home was more filled up with Sara Lee folks)
The family is still a stone throw away, I just had the blessings of some amazing spacious privacy. The reality however, doesn’t allow me to enjoy it that much.
My quickest glance at Gmail (I have a stack of emails unread btw), had a heading ”Note To God”. For some valid reason, that heading spoke to me and I naturally clicked on it thinking it was a forward email and coaching myself, perhaps some motivational and encouragement before the day ends would be good for the soul.
If you haven’t figured out by now how tough work has been for me, clearly we’ve been dancing on different planets. I say this again, it’s only 3rd week and I have turned off the lights twice. Yea, it means you’re the last to leave. There’s saying you either swim or sink to survive. I’m swimming alright, but I just don’t know where I’m swimming to with such heavy currents coming at me.
Another analogy perhaps. Imagine that you had just gotten your license and you’re taking the car out for the first time and your first turn leads you to a highway, and you’re caught in the speed of things. Thankfully, you have some sense of awareness of handling a car but not sensitive enough to be pulling high speed just yet. Luckily for me, I haven’t crashed out yet at work but long driving hours would make your eyes go weak and your mind wander to oblivion. I hate to say it, but I think that’s kinda speeding on high road without your seatbelt. Firmly, I am still at the drivers’ seat but I don’t control the power.
So, when I got to know that Note To God was a song sung by David Foster’s protege – Charice (who’s only 11? I think), I was blown away! The earnestness and the passion she brings to the song, how she coloured the words and sung with so much conviction, I was stoked. I felt as if the highway that I was driving on; the rainbows and sunset flared up in great awe that paints a sheet of miraculous beauty with stars thrown in with it. It reminded me that I have not looked up at the sky for a long time to count the stars either. My head has been so drawn in to the work itself.
In such a short span, I made numbers look like sand from number crunching, I learnt priority management at such a high speed that I realized that you’re not going to be able to pleased everyone, so you’re better off making sure you’re happy with yourself first. Obviously, I failed at that. Unfortunately for my sake, the processes and systems is what I would call order in chaos, and that’s a very mild way of putting it.
But yea, I digressed. A note to God indeed. I can’t believe it’s Friday tomorrow, the days just whizzes by. An alarm bell came out tonight during rehearsals. I had the shortest script to work on and I couldn’t remember my lines. Firstly, I had no time to even read them. Secondly, such a lack of focus on my part. My mind was wandering so much and my eyes couldn’t stay still. Guess my heart had the better of me. The amount of work issues still hovering over my head was revealed. To think, with the amount, thought it’ll be over my head actually :p
But it’s not a good sign, I don’t like it at all. My life balance is not measuring up and I did the ultimate acid test asking fellow cast, and good friends, “Hey guys, do I look really charn ah?” The nods of affirmation was good enough to silence me. And then they each spoke about me looking worn out, and you look like you have a lot going through your mind and your focus just seems out. Thankfully and prayerfully, we prayed together after. Not without some venting and a patient sounding board panel they are.
But this got me really thinking on my way back, could I think anymore? I’m practically brain dead. For my health, I should be asleep by now but here I am writing it out.
I need to seriously come to terms about what I really want to do. My conversations with the Senior who in his own right has been an established business owner and continues to thrive in that very much. At 62 this year, he looks like he’s living up 26 yo! And knowing down the road, I would join him yet he reminds me that I’m not ready yet. So I fight in the land of the corporate seas and earn my stars along the way. When I left Sara Lee, there were some great insights about my work (of which I should get to writing it soon) that gave me a great sense of encouragement and truth to confirm what I was doing was right. The potential but lacking the major opportunity. But now, the opportunity arises but the capacity to lead a city with no training or terrain background remains to be a losing battle. Question is, would you swim or sink in the terrain. The better question is, is the terrain you want to be in?
I chose this terrain naturally by birth and to some degree choice, because of bloodlines. And that in itself, carries a responsibility.
But may I be honest, it’s merely my due responsibility and I try my very best to deliver.
Yet, deep inside me, there’s a burning passion for something else. Call it right brain, but the creative arts and any neighboring skills around it continues to excite me. And that’s why I do theatre, and that’s why I write. And that’s why I enjoy listening to stories and observing intentions. I appreciate great talent. And it is usually infuse with passion.
There are just some people whom I have met in life, when you see them in their line of work you know that this is what they are cut out for. I have people who love corporate hours, passionate copywriter who will sleep in the office to think of the big idea, designers who would just love to create, create and create. And many more…
Photographers who left their corporate shadow to pursue their dreams. A young fitness wolf opens up a centre to advocate good fitness and passionately believes in the regime. Internet savvy guys that believe that online window is a new world on its own and continues to carve out a city for their own. People who believe in social media and social networks thrives at developing social currency. Even a blogger who loves to write or snap pictures while earning cash becomes an observation that stands out because he/she loves what he/she does and get paid for certain jobs. It’s about creating options of desire. And that requires great courage to step out of your comfort zone. Some others, had it all planned, pursuing medicine and enjoys clinical stays with the bad and good in the nature of recovery and death, but nonetheless tanks upon travel tales by catching rainbows during long drives. It’s comforting to meet people and they tell you I’m enjoying life through their eyes.
Mind you, may not be easy, but they thrive at it because they have a passion for it.
The thing is, I haven’t found it yet. Nor has it found me. I am mixing it all up well, pursuing with excellence everything I do but never launching out. Maybe my note to God should be about courage.
And I wonder, if you had a note for me, what would you write? Post-it me, because I can’t think anymore.
During my week, I spent much time with Caitlin who was just so easy to work with. I say work, because I thought I needed to make much effort and required heavy commitment from my end to communicate and get her attention. Zilch! She was totally fun to be with and there was so much curiosity oozing out of her, so much joy in her face that really brightens up any household. Very blessed parents, a gift from God. I manage to share those glimpse throughout the week which made think further myself.
