January hasn’t been the greatest start for me since the uninvited injury that came two weeks ago. What more with residue spillovers from the neighboring year. As the cursor blinks and I try much to pen my thoughts down, I find myself coming in and out of thorough reflections. There is just so much happening within me, around me and in the world at present. Breaking news of disasters whether man made or otherwise, the presence of mortality is so evident before us.

I am unsure if the injury is a blessing or my road to recovery permits a silver lining at the end of the day. I am aware of this though, I had to slow things down a lot. My mobility has been hampered to a point it has descended me to being very frustrated at some points. I find myself needing to rest and lie down so that the body may stretch out the affected tightness areas. Frankly, I’m not very used to that. The pace I meant. I am fine with taking a holiday and getting good rest when great work is done. Not this start and stop symphony, where momentum building is practically a funeral at best. I am trying my best to manage this.

I guess the first, is to accept my condition and situation. While treatment has been great relief and munching on Celebrex has been a safety pill, these tools are quickly running out on me. I really just want to get up and start running again. But the stairs humbles me every single time. There is something about walking down stairs with a lower back injury. For example, while I was taking a call at my parent’s home yesterday, thinking to myself while walking down the stairs and listening attentively to the phone conversations, it wasn’t as if there was a step I missed, just as I landed on the platform, there was this triggering pain that sent shocks up and through (or however it may travel) to my lower back that made me scream in continuous agony. I couldn’t retaliate other than collapsing forward and thought to myself, “what in the world just happened?”. The receiver on the other end got the brunt of the vocals as I grunted away.

It made me surrender immediately and the need to lie down again. To recharge as if the indicator of pain made known who’s the boss.
(To think I wanted to head back to the gym starting tomorrow. Perhaps my open mind in this scenario had my brains falling out.)

My life situation with the work and moving out didn’t give me much liberty to be still. I had to do some personal carrying and paid the price along the way. Now, I just motivate people to move things for me. I had to travel to different locations and sites for viewing and management purposes, where car traveling seems to be the most popular choice. So the act of getting in and out of the car continues to add stress and compress my lower back. So walking become an alternative, standing up become a choice although it meant I was looking down on others during a meeting. Literally. A walk in the park one evening became a great humility lesson for me. Every step taken was measured and calculated. Taking many breaks along the way, pacing my journey and trying to enjoy some of it. I didn’t realize the amount one can see or appreciate when you take time to focus the stuff around you. I mean, it’s not like I was going anywhere much faster anyway. It made me feel very vulnerable and appreciative about life.

And, after many weeks in that frustration, this became a comfort balm when I read this:

I have discovered that patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. Joyce Meyer

I also enjoyed Z’s sharing on another definition of another definition of patience ala henri nouwen:

“Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.”

My patience is wearing thin for a lot things, some rooted much deeper than what I have written here. But I wait, for the unknown. I do hope, that at end of it all, I will have good attitude, and that hidden treasure I may find, may be good and I can stand firm appreciating it.

  • Share/Bookmark

Tagged with: • • • •

Filed under: lifestyle • personal

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!

Possibly related posts