financial autopsy, writing right and clinging on to dreams
Saturday, July 5th, 2008 at
10:12 pm
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I scribbled in the most unnatural form for my liking but I know this picture of financial management would not move, but the scenery will continue to change as I add new variables to my life. Financial planning is tough.
I am in the midst of doing a full review with a surface indication as of yesterday on my money holdings. After laying the early foundations which were extremely tough and foolish (as we all learn to control our money), I had to do an honest and real financial autopsy on my money.
Thank God for excel. Thank God for conscience.
It doesn’t look good. I should be in a better position but not impossible to rectify. Now, I just need to do it. Proper or I might end up as a pauper (this might be stretching it but it’s to state a point).
As I move into year 3 with Sara Lee, and after my personal one on one with top heads, the path has been set, it’s a steep one ahead. My heart will be pumping as I build my corporate endurance. Of course the perks of having growing numbers in your bank account will excite me. This next one year is crucial, I have to monitor my growth monthly in terms of career and financial wealth. If I play my cards right with wisdom and definitely humility, this might turn out to be a big winner. It’s not easy, never has been. I never had the ‘easy card’ ever. I always had the cards just enough to make things happen. And this is one such card game, a new round.
My right brain overpowers my left tremendously, I probably shudder at numbers other than attractive female numbers and CNY gambling ratio perhaps. But it is something I need to own up and own. And I say this again, thank God for excel. It helps. At least the picture is much clearer.
So as I chart this new page with rigorous monitoring, and being really anal about what goes where and when does it go there and punting on right investments, playing risk taker versus risk adverse shadow – all of this come back to one timely property – wisdom itself. And I’ll measure my success this way, if after a year, I managed my own garden better than the last patch albeit hitting some walls, then yes, I have rise above the waters and that would be a new dot of progression. Less foolish, wisdom nuggets, forward collectibles to plant to a future year; and before you know it, in all economic sense, there’s always an exponential point. And unless heaven forbid, I would really like to catch the point of the positive trends.
I realize the only way I’ll ever make good sense for understanding anything is writing. I need to ask questions and write my answers down. I have a tendency to sleep with a problem and wake up with a question. I would go – there’s a big problem – how do I make it to a small problem – then how do I make it to a no problem. This idea of down sizing trains the mind to soften the landing perhaps. Easier said than done and I tend to lose comfort rest anyway.
But writing right here is about being intentional and full of purpose. My castles in the sky, I never really built them because I was afraid to land them. So I basically tucked them in the north shore of oblivion. But there are times of re-visitation, the ah…you know, what could have beens. And so many portion of these scribbles has started with potency are now well…barely beginning infancy.
I am pulling these writings out. I am laying everything on the floor and snapping a mental picture and playing in the mind; which of you are the winner? Are you worth my time to begin with, but they knock equal weight in my mind because they shout all – we’re all a part of you in some way. May I introduce:
Kembali – a story about love. The love that never made it but somehow made all sense.
TRP project – near & far dots of family history that intertwines with relationships.
Reaching for the stars would be the best description for clinging on to dreams. We all have our own, sometimes a dream itself may be a person, some are ambition and others, to make a difference. I don’t really know what’s mine because I don’t paint it well, it’s lacking focus, strength and detail – it’s just a colored layout. The canvas is somewhat shared. I need to digress, some say for dreams to happen you need a safety net. And that is support in any form actually, and we do have that. Some piercing thoughts of late, my canvas has been filled with the dreams of others, their responsibility upon me and the nature of how life paint itself in its bloodline. I am having the most toughest time reasoning them out and it doesn’t help when I don’t have the answers. But I think it’s time I start letting go so that I can chase for my own stars, and during this lean period ties back to the point of my financial autopsy because I am going to climb this one on my own.
I have decided to give up what is his to build what is mine, something I would like to call my own.
And in this I go in fear and trembling with much reverence to the Lord who gives me the strength, wisdom and accountability in humility; just enough for each day.
