Nothing lasts forever.
Everything changes.

Powerful statements, very true also if you apply it in the right context. I write in the forum of life angle on our earthly shores which by default the above holds true. The one thing I like to do, is to have conversations with people double my age or even further than that. I like to tap down a bit of journey wisdom from the shadows who have gone ahead; be it male or female. I like to hear their stories. I find them relevant to my current choices.

Again, to take it with a pinch of salt yet having a fair taste before passing judgment is always objective. I’m trying to spend more time writing. That is why I’m here tonight. Ideally, more chinese skewed than ever, at my age, I should have that someone I could be talking to for most things but fortunate and unfortunate, that person hasn’t appeared. Nor am I rushing or pushing either. But it sure takes a lot to build trust and speaking with the people twice my age seems iron that out faster for me.

I love my mum. She’s amazing. Whenever I have time, we’ll do Japanese, simply because she enjoys it and I like it too. Our favourite hangout spot, Sugimoto hanging by the sushi/sashimi bar and order our stuff and have conversation with our friendly and familiar sushi/sashimi chef(?). Hmm…I never knew how to call them, I should ask them the next time I go there. To make it simple & raw, he goes by the name Jimmy. And he made us this:-

At her age and my age, fellowship and companionship in accordance with friendship is our utmost importance in my relationship with her. We’ll take our drives and we’ll chat, and we’re both adult enough to share life together. Yes, we’ll bitch even, and she’ll itch to buy some lottery while I’ll nag her after that like an Energizer battery. A little vice for a little spice we say, but always keep moderation at bay. Also a very wise woman in my opinion especially in making calls about people, she has an excellent radar for judging an impression of a person. I still enjoy my daily learnings from here. This is what I must note.



After lunch we took a drive and I had told her about the fact that K told me that the ad I did about 5 years ago for a launch of an apartment in Mont Kiara is finally up and ready. So naturally, Sunrise Bhd used the same mug shot and blew up a poster 3 times its size to front the new opening. I guess, it’s memorable to some degree as it was my very first ad and the agreement was the money paid for all mediums, and 5 years later, that still holds true. The biggest irony, I play/frame myself as a young high flyer who has done well and enjoying myself, living the life; portraying the well comforted life. At nearing 28, that’s so far from the dream Mum was flipping in laughter when she saw it and naturally encouraged me to take shots to show my dad. Even I was a bit taken aback looking at the entire drop over the building. Well, here’s to the life!

My biggest move is coming soon, real soon. The final pieces are coming along and I’m personally preparing myself for it, well, I have most of my stuff in boxes already. Generally, after work, I’ll go by and recce progress for the day, take down some notes and feedforward back to my dad or the contractor. It’s a little lesson I learnt from dad at a very young age, say 8 or 9, where dad would wake me up in the middle of night and I’ll join him for a car ride and we’ll tour the printing factory. Naturally I would be complaining but absorbing the visual sight of him monitoring progress for the day, touching base and see whether things are done. So that sense of alertness and caution has always been there for me. And to this, I’m excited to chart my, probably the best yet, of my growth development here:-

As I tour around the house, thinking through ahead of year and nursing the burning desires in me, moving the pieces to fit into my life, I stare at the mirror and snap the before picture asking this question, “Where am I?”

And I was walk away turning back just once again asking instead, “Where do I want to go from here?”

This has been a season of major searching; because every step I take forward affects the new future ahead. And honestly, I’m having a struggling time knowing what to do sometimes, but I just pray for the days ahead.

In marking the new times ahead, one will have to carve out choices that may go against the grain. The grain of your internal emotion versus the external surrounding. And through it all, you suggest to yourself, the one who speaks his mind does his own kind. More and more, this is apparent. For and for, this is transparent.

Life is aboout making choices.

And I struggle at times, as the bigger choices we make in life tends to affect the people around us. Not negative I would say, but the choices you make tends to involve other people’s opinion into your thought process. It’s also difficult when you’re trying to have an objective discussion but emotions always, always, come into play – simply because we all somewhat, carry a different school of thought; a sense of belonging for our own individualism.

A lacking sense of cohesiveness.

The fact that I have spent nearly a year in and out monitoring the progress of this apartment has opened up many new shades of the reality and the actual harshness about life. I had to deal directly with some people which I utterly dislike but I gave my most personal objective focus in the situation. The lines were never clearly drawn. To some degree, I had myself to blame for being too nice & lenient about matters. Well, that was then.

Although, I hold on to that phrase saying….I am still a nice person. It doesn’t work always in the context when dealing with monetary jobs. You really have to be watchful and keep close to the ground. Everyone loves to blow their own trumpets from time to time. Some people uses a flute to sound like an orchestra which only in their minds, know what they were thinking!

The world of business substantiates that. My corporate life substantiates that. I’m trying to clear the clouds of blurred lines right now. Although it’s still much of a learning process, but I have enough in me to speak my mind and to say, no this is incorrect. The approach should be done this way because of 1), 2), 3).

My only fear? The emotional temperament gets the better of the objective personality.

I believe its a from of training. As I handle the matters of the apartment, I remember throwing myself back in the days when I first returned to Malaysia running a F&B setup. That was one portion of my life I would always remember and the people involved. If I ever see those shadows again, I will pierced them with my thoughts. It was a tough smashing. But we learn, we all learn.

And I made sure, that never happened again. I am making sure that things that matter to me won’t land up in those positions again. Not me, the apartment, or my job or my priorities. It takes a lot of guts to make choices. It takes a lot of discipline and wise discernment to make timely choices. Both are very different. Both exercise different sorts of skill set. They somewhat need a combination of knowledge, experience and a degree of confidence.

This year, I feel like I’m making the mark to the next level – after years of absorbing.

I wrote my first cheque today.
I wrote it thrice.
Welcome to the world of business, Mr. Ee.

Seriously, I’m getting my ass kicked here.
I have so much to learn.

Tonight, after dinner, I had myself some ice cream.
It was the best scoop ever.
Like a child. bliss.
It helps to get sweetened once in a while.

Anyone interested? I know, I’m keen.
Looking at Saturday & Sunday games.
Let me know.

Once again, on a late afternoon over a weekend, I dozed off and woke up after a really hot nap. I would have to change the sheets. The humid weather in KL and ever surging rise in temperature is nearly as hot as our political friend’s episode of late. I would not mention names, but I’m sure my friends from across the borders may identify. It’s really hot, unbelievably hot (the weather I mean).

Just before the sun sets, calming the temperature, setting a soothing breezy landscape over the hills of Bangsar, I peered out the window to catch the crimson sky, a rare poignant moment for someone who is constantly reflective about what he does. I guess, he is going through some cloudy moments; trying to look for a silver lining.

My afternoon checklist was to head to the gym but because when you wake up at like 1pm, you gotta give. I stayed up till close to 7am this morning, I ended with a book and with me in bed, I suppose in that order, if my parents found me – they would be fine.

Anyway, I digress a little like most of our local newspapers today. I decided after my hot nap, I would take a swim and getting to the pool itself was a heavy order. I have just been so laidheavy. I jumped in and swam my heart out like a young boy, paddling every stroke and trying to break every mental barrier – I was basically trying to tire myself out. Push laps after laps in the dark pool with only beacon lights for guidance as if it was the lighthouse. How apt, to identify with the word of God. For me, I was just trying to swim from point to point coming out barely breathing and telling myself to keep going.

After a satisfactory push I got out of the pool and dry myself up whilst looking at the time, and it stopped for a moment. It was basically me and the pool and well, my imagination and the Big Man up there. I dropped everything walked around the sides of the pool and told myself, “you need to get back in!”

I grip my toes at the corners of the pool looking straight ahead thinking to self, “I need a second wind” Instead of taking that victorious Ian Thorpe jump splash, I sat down instead and kicked water with my feet while looking at them thinking over about my need of a second wind. I know it’s not your fashionabl ending to a splash (haha) but to everyone’s comfort I wasn’t wearing speedos either.

I chewed on the second wind while the drops of water rolled off my skin with the reflection of light sending a presence with no one around to be there. It’s at this point in time, I always feel whatever you need to do, do it for yourself.

And that was it, this time I went back in to swim like a young boy with fins. I may have looked stupid kicking and splashing all over but it was me. And it was worth it. It was fun. I really need to get back that drive and gear in me. I admit, that I haven’t been at my best recently. Even my work has taken a slight dip, I haven’t been most on top of things. I am not entirely too pleased with certain office handlings either, but that’s people ultimately.

And you know what’s the biggest irony out of this supposedly bravado post, the fact that I need to go back and take that plunge, it’s not so that I become a man, but to jump back into my Heavenly Father’s arms like a young child. Ouch. But a soft landing I’m sure.

It’s been quite a workout physically. I think I’ll go eat now. Tom Yam perhaps.

Oh, the biggest hurdle of this jump I realize its not anyone or anything, but yourself. Double ouch.

Tonight was the premiere of Jarum Halus. I’m very relieved that this movie has finally taken off. I’m glad, very glad. And I give all praise and glory to our Lord and heavenly Father who has made all things possible. It’s been a long journey with many winding roads and unchartered paths. I am thankful that we pulled through, strengthened friendship and more importantly learnt about commitment and loving unconditionally. That’s my personal memo for Jarum Halus.

The main cast of Jarum Halus

The ‘original’ cast of Jarum Halus :p

Once again, the ‘original’ cast of Jarum Halus (I really like this shot)
A mentor, a friend, a brother – who keeps me on the target
Jarum Halus – it’s the beginning of our vision

Mark Tan, the director; a friend, a brother.

:: I guess I could personally share so much about my experience and the choices I had made, but I’m glad I made the wise choice albeit it’s not the easiest or most glamourous at times. When I acted for the pitch video with C and A over a Saturday afternoon, having the script just a day before, we just had to do it – we just had to work with what we have, and we did it. That 12 minute segment manage to instill some trust and confidence that Jarum Halus had a chance to pierce the Malaysian Film Industry. Well, it sure did poke some hearts tonight…

::: When the final auditions came, I was at a major crossroad in my life to make that decision to either audition for the role of JH or to be responsible and focus at my work with Sara Lee. I chose the latter because I had prayed about that job and journeyed most of my way with Him. It was important for me to commit and surely enough, God has blessed me tremendously in my job. But never a chance did I not think about the opportunity with Jarum Halus, it was like a fine needle pricking on the fact, – try living a little, try the edge…go for it.

:::: But I chose to labour my love in the project, to help and learn and journey with a friend who has a deep passion for film making and try to be a spiritual friend and brother, a person who you could kick back and relax and work through the film and be there whenever the call was – whether it was being an extra, being on the pitch video, or coming in late nights to watch the film and discuss the edit and the tone and manner of the piece. For me, it was an enjoyable frienship and time spent. I learnt a lot.

:::: So when this finally took off tonight, I’m sure once again that God has provided every single piece to form this masterpiece. And sure enough, we’re looking for the day where we can work together and trust me, the next time when that happens – I’ll be ready. I trust in Him completely that the opportunity will come and look forward to that journey.

~ The best has yet to come because we have yet to reach home ~

www.jarumhalus.com

God never tells us to give up things just for the sake of giving them up, but He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having, life with Himself. It is a matter of loosening the bands that hold back our lives. Those bands are loosened immediately by identification with the death of Jesus. The we enter into a relationship with God whereby we may sacrifice our lives to Him.

Is My Sacrifice Living?

it’s time to let go…let god.

From the moment I saw you,
from the moment I looked into your eyes,
there was something about you
I knew I knew
that you were once in a life time
a treasure near impossible to find
and I know how lucky am I to have you

Chorus:
Cause I’ve seen the rainbows that can take your breath away
the beauty of the setting sun that ends a perfect day
and when it comes to shooting stars, I’ve seen a few
but I’ve never seen anything…as beautiful as you

Holding you in my arms
no one else has fit so perfectly
I could dance forever with you, with you
and at the stroke of midnight
please forgive me if I can’t let go
caused I never dreamed I’f find a Cinderella of my own

Chorus:
Cause I’ve seen the rainbows that can take your breath away
the beauty of the setting sun that ends a perfect day
and when it comes to shooting stars, I’ve seen a few
but I’ve never seen anything…as beautiful as you

Chorus repeat:
Cause I’ve seen the rainbows that can take your breath away
the beauty of the setting sun that ends a perfect day
and when it comes to shooting stars, I’ve seen a few
but I’ve never seen anything…
Oh no, Oh no, I’ve never seen anything…as beautiful as you.

from the moment I saw you
from the moment I looked into your eyes

::Watch it here::

:: If you’re a passionate romantic like me, you will enjoy this. I just had no idea, Wayne Brady could hold such a tune, a far difference from Whose line is it anyway, but nonetheless; an amazing performance.

::: I realize writing with emotions has tremendous power. This year, I want to really tap into them even if it means opening up some tragic cans, blissful buns and dangerous past connections. But, this is a part of me I don’t want to deny; to be touched by the talented talent. I really love…music. From palate to palette, to facets of you and me, the curiously curious, the talented talent. The word: powerful. powerful indeed. To the past, the current and to what lies ahead…let is be as beautiful as you.