I really enjoyed my time in Singapore. I don’t feel like an overused post-it note anymore. It was good to take that break, timely to manage my travels along with work. It was somewhat, well planned – somewhat Singaporean.

This time I basked myself in the small island and found some great gems there. I liked it so much because I was in a place where no one knows your name, I had a lot of alone time, I could sleep in and not having to wake up any priorities. I got time to munch and crunch on words and thoughts. I had time to write by the grass, under the sun, counting cars & busses. I had timet o have conversations and enjoyed every one of them inclusive of my cab drivers which benefited me greatly.

To find a fellow Melbournian on the same flight back to KL, it was enjoyable catching up since we left university. It’s been 3 years, and it was nice to see what the future plans were. He’s moving to Singapore. How fitting, another one bites the dust for nice payroll. We’re losing talent but really can anything be more obvious than the current state of our country. He was surprised I’m choosing to stay.

Coversations on the US sub prime, local politics, and asian economy growth and development were bounced off and also grappling the true essence that we need to be ready for moves and we need to be keeping ourselves fluid for the years to come. We’re current in the times where Asia is booming sector but also playing finely on a potential financial crash that obviously affects any nation. But we’re in a good place to make a difference. And that proves to be challenging. With diversity, adversity and the plague of society, I read filled with curiosity, thinking through with high ambiguity – it’s no wonder, I needed that break.

And Singapore did that for me. Thank you.
I spent my time not working about any of those sorts. I wanted to just enjoy my time watching, seeing, talking and listening. I allowed my mind to rest. Let me hear be put to a test. And what came out of it?

Many many things. It reaffirmed a lot of my own convictions this year. I’m thankful.

Some highlights in no particular order includes:-

1. Mambo night; it’s the most hillarious lot and retro just tickles me to the core.
2. Chitty chitty bang bang – one word: SPECTACULAR!
3. Faithworks – Life: double bill; this was a bonus and it seemed as if this was meant to fall into our laps through quick conversations over lunch, to finding their last show at the information counter before we make our way to dinner; that ripple started an idea for a script for potential footstool next year. The play was very enjoyable and very relevant to the prevalent social ills today.
4. My development analogy of Shadow Pavement. A spiritual lesson I came to find while waiting outside of a home of which I had only the street lamps and my imagination to play around with. Thank God for Ipod. But that moment, that night, opened a great sense of revelation. I’ll share a dedicated entry on Shadow Pavement soon.
5. I liked the fact that I did not spend anytime at Orchard and was introduced to areas that I have never knowned such as club street. It reminded me of a Malacca in a very specialised form. The modernity but quiet serenity had seemed to be a mismatch but the people operating were genuine, and that was good enough for me to move around on my own. It felt like fantasy in the walking landscape and just gathering materials and inspirations and looking forward to possible hook ups. This was after finding Malacca: voices from the street under their selling books of distribution by consignment basis. A shop with designing background and heritage. Now, I have a photographer, a german & chinese author who has done the work, a printing outfit; I’m really hoping this will really shape up to somewhere, I’m still praying and patiently continuing this effort.
6. Long long walks on the streets of Singapore alone. I really enjoyed this. The enjoyment stopped when I took a break and chinese gay dude tried to pick me up. It was horrendous.
7. Conversations with my fellow Singaporean friends. Small island but big hearts. Truly
8. Food. I enjoyed my makan. I like eating anyway.
9. Meeting Kumar, the singapore comedian/drag queen at one her/him/shim shows.
10. The fact that I managed to catch up with the fellow Malaysias who have crossed the shores but we fail to meet up. So over margaritas and wine, we did just that.
11. Oh, having a steal for CD buying – bought 2 box sets – best of jazz collection and love songs. Each comprise of 5 cds each. Priced only at SGD29.90 – good value I tell you!
12. A short sweet flight back home

The unexpected island
Very far from the highlands
Has managed to find its way to my heart
Through their organic tea and tarts

Thank you. Just thank you – for making it all the very special. Thank you for letting me rest my mind by just being kind.

It’s 6:40pm. I’m still at my desk, working through the white papers with clusters of information for me to digest – and that’s ok, because that’s part of work – or wait, paperwork?

It’s not that I can’t leave, but I’m staying to wait for my turn – we have a meeting. A dry run. We’ve been having many of those. I have been running. running. Now, I have just learnt that I need to run faster. It’s pretty insane. I am quite exhausted.

Honestly, I don’t know what time the meeting ends. It could stretch to 9 or 10, it’s hard to tell. The work weather here has been rather thundering but again, it’s just a season, and all season shall pass.

I have a prayer session tonight and that would require a lot of stillness and focus and honestly, I am feeling far from it. In the muddle of heaviness, I’m asking questions and seeking answers. But I choose to wait, patiently on Him.

My cab reaches at 5:30am tomorrow morning, my flight is at 8am. Suddenly the candid joy of not needing to pack your contact lenses and solutio like ever seems to have lost its crowning glory. I am here trying to figure out, will I and can I finish everything in time, get properly rested before heading to my neighbouring work shores tomorrow. I need to get out. And thankfully, I have chosen to set some time for it.

But I tell you, work life is tough. I speak for all I guess. But that’s a reality and we have a choice to view it differently and well sometimes we make a difference, sometimes…we are just having to be different. But never differ our God. That’s all I can remind myself and rest in that hope.

There’s been a lack of quiet time and prayer, because things have been running in such high speed 3G mode, it’s just insane and we all know how Christmas is like for us

So here I am, feeling like a post-it note, being the messenger at work and running the mill of closing gaps and traversing the career skies passing knowledge and information. Thankfully, I haven’t gotten slapped yet but really, it would be nice to hear an encouraging one.

It’s been dry off late and if you remember, pray for me. I need it.

And here I am – scribble funny looking for a still quiet.

We hadn’t met in 2 months. Tonight we spent 6 hours together. It was well worth it. It gave me a sense of family, a time of friendship, and feeling rejuvenated once again. I thank my God for them. For they came into my life not by chance but by His divine intervention.

The bonus was macaroni, that’s my new favourite food if I may just add one more to the list. A time of fellowship and simple dinners together. Someone asked me what has been the 3 highlights for the year, and I gave it some thought.

Initially I was thinking about work achievements, and projects that garnered commendability, the lil’ set goals that I have achieved. But I thought further, what was it that sparkled this year for me. And it was simply this;

1. Spending time with Aunty YK and Uncle HJ
2. Spending time with Uncle WTF and family
3. Spending time with people with an opportunity to serve others.

Simply because, it gave me a chance to learn and share life with these people. I have benefited simply so much from them as I count the days before the year ends. I’m glad even in the year of sabbatical in some areas, I had consistently been aware to move in focus and with direction.

I admit the challenges and the heavy pruning but looking back, it was worth it. Honestly, I’m blessed.

Tonight I remember my yellow pajamas by Gotcha,
Tonight I realized the one thing that I have been trying to pinpoint the very source of that nature but spent most of this year searching and I found it tonight – thank you Lord for your wisdom and security.
For it was my ‘insecurity’ and lack of confidence – the unrealized facet that had been hidden for so long came afloat tonight through deep conversations. The heavy heart responded with tears of sadness. For all the work behind it now became a chance for me to dwell deep and I could never have done this alone. This was a tough unlocking.

I thank you for them.

Tonight we realized God has really saved me by His grace. We recollected 12 years and to see God’s hand in most of my life is incredible. The many laughing moments from my cunning antics to SPM agendas, to late night dry humour with wit was a clever combination over good hot pot of tea. Can fellowship be any more simple?

God has bless me very much this year. I feel even more blessed by the fact that it has become an encouragement to others. God has been using me despite the heavy past that resonates in me. Even yet, He chooses to use the very failures and disappointment and when you reflect and think about it – why me?

So here I am – heavy hearted, still buzzing wide awake at 2:30am, with work striving tomorrow. I remember and take strength in this instead when I was tasked to make short sentences from the word – “Father”, “Jesus”, “Holy Spirit” and “I”.

Father, I must learn to love you
Jesus is my comforter and security
Holy Spirit is my wisdom compass in life
I still have a long way to go.

Thank you for bringing the people. Thank you for your everloving grace and mercy. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. My trust was a leap of faith, your Love stretches forever.

You have made a move in me.

To the man who speaks little,
Your whispering wisdom and knowledge nourishes me,
To the woman who encourages much,
Your cheerful and focus trust of faith amazes me,
To the boy who sits to listen and learn,
Your humility and consistency delivers strength
To our Lord who brought us together,
Your love has set us free and taught us love
For all this combine brings -
restoration.

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you ~ Joel 2:27

‘For I will restore health to you
And heal you of your wounds, ‘ says the LORD
‘Because they called you an outcast saying:
“This is Zion;
No one seeks her.” ~ Jeremiah 27:30

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by your generous Spirit ~ Psalm 52:12

And finally,

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you ~ 1 Peter 5:8

But intelligent planning can make all the difference between stress & success

Serious leaders who are serious readers build personal libraries dedicated how to think, not how to compete.

Finally, stop tripping on my youth. There will be one day when there are no changes left.

I’m emotionally unhealthy, I can tell you that.

The dark closet still serves the unnumbered.

The importance of detail; matters as much as the nail on the head.

I believe in good work, simply because work can only be good; when it’s done well.

Faith is simple, only simply hard to follow.

Truly, I’m blessed.InHim. Yet, why do I feel so enclosed – that I protect myself? And, that’s difficult to answer. ouch.

Responsibility of responsive love. That’s important to me.

:: Once again, I’m restlessly wrestling::

In the latest of post surgery recovery, I was grounded by mother and in this case, also father and naturally mother nature simply because it was pouring on a Sunday afternoon. In their efforts to make sure my eyes are recovered fully, they impose the chinese idealogy of no eggs, no meat, no seafood as it is deemed toxic. Dad says no reading, no staring at the computers – please close them and rest.

I did just rest, I physically rested a lot. But one can only rest so much. It’s a rare opportunity for me to be laying in bed for hours because I realize that I need to get busy and there must be a certain pace for myself. The no sweat policy for November is a bit difficult to manage because it means no gym, no badminton, no heavy duty physical stuff because I can’t get water or soap and sweat into my eye.

Naturally, that required new ways of bathing.

My mum helped me improvise. No she didn’t bathe me.

I had not wash my hair since surgery and it was getting really itchy. I came home, and mum said no to washing my hair because it’s still very close to post surgery timing. I told her, “I cannot tahan already…I should have gone to your hairdresser and let her wash for me, ha ha”. She seconded the idea but obviously it was close as I got home late from work. She said then, “wear your goggles and shower…”. I was like, “huh?”

Then, light bulb moment

It worked, I got my hair washed. and I now wear goggles when I shower. Don’t get any speedo ideas but it gets the job done.

On another lap, in my times of physical restful weekend unfortunately my mind was one that was blaring with many work thoughts. It’s been quite heavy at the workplace and I had to step up my game. So the pressure was on even after working hours, I kept the momentum going but quickly realize a spasm sunday evening.

I was detaching myself from God in a sense of alignment. I was not prioritizing Him first. Quickly, I realised the sense of unsettled peace for yes, I have covered all bases in work but mind and heart will still running heat. That wasn’t ideal. So I spend monday morning in quiet and just seeking and it became a faithful reminder that He is in control of everything.

I always wonder What will happen tomorrow? No one knows, everything is uncertain but God.

This morning was became a rare routine as I pulled out Oswald Chambers devotional which has been religiously placed at my work table but it’s been a while since I had a morning read. I particularly enjoyed this portion of Intimate Theology entry:-

To believe is to commit. In the area of intellectual learning I commit myself mentally, and reject anything not related to that belief. In the realm of personal belief I commit myself morally to my convictions and refuse to compromise. But in intimate personal belief I commit myself spiritually to Jesus Christ and make a determination to be dominated by Him alone

He ends by saying this:-

I find faith is as natural as breathing. And I am staggered when I think how foolish I have been in not trusting Him earlier.

I guess my take on this sometimes when we get into the busyness of life and we start panting, we forget our very own life-spiritual support – his word.

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7 NLT)

And to be humble requires focus not on sin, temptation or worldly matters – but God himself. And that’s like how mothers sometimes sets a twinkle in your eye and you just know, they know best as much as does God knows you.

And the day begins, it’s time to wear my goggles and swim through the work day

For the past two nights, I have been sleeping with eye shields in reason to protect my eyes from any foreign interference. Since post-surgery (yeah, I had lasik on fri evening), it’s been somewhat surreal because it happened so quickly that you don’t really have time to process the cause & effect but you just wake up the next day – getting on with life.

Afraid not, the 50 year old bed plus mosquito netting is really a bit of challenge to put with You really have to see the condition of the place to believe for yourself. 

I woke up with a new vision today.

A great sense of unfamiliarity, after following the source of light.