Last night, I had the liberty to take my mum out for dinner. It was just the two of us. My other siblings had other plans and dad had a date with his beer mug. As we were getting ready and still had some chores to do, mum suggested that I help her feed the dogs and she’ll go water the plants in the garden.

Now feeding Zorro & Panda now has taken a slightly different cut – they now have veges in their diet. So I was required to slice baby carrots, baby cucumbers and some cherry tomatoes stirred together with their dog food. It helps with shite factory, know what I mean?

After many slices, mum was done with the watering and I was still going on with the slicing and cutting (remember, I’m far from domesticated when it comes to cooking). She took her shower and I finished up feeding the dogs. I really thought I should have watered the plants instead. My expertise in the kitchen is poor I say. I can do to cleaning & ironing pretty well because I like to keep tidy when I can.

I enjoy food and good food but fail afar to be a good chef. Maybe I just haven’t had the time to explore much on it.

We went for Japanese and our table wasn’t ready yet, so we walked around the mall and she saw some shoes she liked. I told her to get them and naturally I paid for it. It was nice taking her out and showing her a good time. She deserves it anyway. Our short journey back to the restaurant came up in conversation about girls. She started off, “Why tired already ah…never go out with girls one nowadays”. I gave her ‘the look’ and sighed. She laughed. I told her, “since your husband doesn’t want to date you I guess I have to play the role right?”. She gave me ‘the look’ and sighed. I laughed.

And that’s the great thing about a relationship and friendship. To be able to throw friendly punches and also speak openly to one another. I am thankful I have that great relationship with her. I am also at a stage where I am able to somewhat provide for her in many other forms. She’s always been one who is quite simple and not requiring much but I think she just enjoys great company and good food. That’s not too difficult to do. I spent more time listening and understanding her more. I felt that was important.

I am thankful that the night became a dialogue and not a monologue. Because I listened, I learned something. I remind myself to take time out for people who truly matters. I guess I did pour out something after all, hey?

I am tired. I am really tired. But that’s beside the point when we consciously know the state that we are in. Not exactly the most desired one but nonetheless fully aware. I think I’m in this stage of my working career where many things are stepping up – you learn, you teach, you guide, you observe, you simply listen. A cause and effect theory behind the corporate game depending the culture you come from. I came in to simply learn as much as I can. So I am fully aware and need to stick through this time and just keep paddling. It’s one of those days where your body is sore but you’re going through that peak pain period and you know when you climb over or conquer that peak, you’ll be riding smooth after. Over the mountain I say.

Pleasantly, I have been invited to catch this tonight.

I know someone from the KL ensemble, it would be nice to finally see her on stage. Maybe ‘black Monday’ seasons are over and this passion attendance is resurfacing. It’s been a while since I caught back to back plays with this one being complementary. I’m late as I write, it’s been such a tough and busy week for me and it’s not slowing down at all till end October.

By now, I should be excited about Russia as plans are being made, visa clearances and the opportunity to be there. But that would march another entry. I need to do some reading on it.

I have been really excited about my quiet time with the Lord and especially reading Michel Quoist’s Prayer of Life. It’s such an amazing writing in its own soul and heart, I can’t explain it but every sentence were purposely meant to touch someone in my opinion. I can’t believe the relevance after 50 years since its publication. Just goes to show a person with God’s heart and listening to God and then transferring that to paper simply impacts the people around him. I’ll share a fitting piece sometime. It’s imperative as I continue to keep and build thoughts to my sermon for end Oct.

See what I mean by busy yet fully aware?

I swear Tuesday must be Monday for me because it seems like I am repeating yesterday entirely. It was another filled day in the boardroom with an extremely cold a/c. I am barely sitting down to do enough operational work. There has been so much beef behind presentations and managing trends at the moment. Very interesting stuff I must say.

I am trying to clear some work now before rushing off for Comedy Court tonight. Check them out at http://www.comedycourt.com.my/. I am certain that I’ll be laughing my head off very much and I am so looking forward to such a break. I will always remember Executive Spa as my all time favorite stage comedy after Atomic Jaya. I’m glad I have it on DVD.


edit: Alan & Indi did not disappoint at all! I thoroughly enjoyed myself and it was a blast seeing them perform. My hats off to their characterization of malaysian icons of different stature, our local delights and crafting witty political innuendos that just tickle me forever. Yes, my faith of this country has clearly been comically punched tonight, and I nod in affirmation. Malaysia Boleh! :p I really miss the stage and acting.

I am so glad I kept to the promise of spending with God. After bible study tonight, I took a room downstairs with a standing fan and went into a discovery of searching my soul. I prayed, I wrote, I read and I try to memorize, I poured out the many things that tugs the heart, the little thorns, I confessed and I sat to spend time and listen to His word. I’m glad that I’m a living sacrifice tonight. And I believe I will be tomorrow too.

consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you ~ Transform.Us

I am trying to blog in between work. More actually, trying to write a paper due today. It’s been such a long day I spent most of the day in the boardroom for two separate meetings – one on a business review and second, monthly regional meeting. I am quite exhausted after the comprehensive issues needing to be ironed out.

I am glad though that I managed to do some PDA reading in the midst of the low points during the business review meeting, there were some ongoing statistics that needed clarification, I zoned out – I think most of us did.

What a monday I say, man, it’s going to be a long week with so many scheduled meetings already. I am trying to consciously make time for God this week and after Sunday’s message which spoke on Romans 12 in which Silvendran took, in my opinion, a great philosiphcal approach in unpacking the view of God’s mercy got me thinking quite a bit. I have taken down some notes and I just need to gather it all together, my written and random thoughts.

Taking 5 here – gonna work on my paper. hang on.

I’m back. Changing writing schemes between the feedforward paper and unloading thoughts. I think this would keep check sanity and help unload the heavy day. I have only sat down on my seat in the last 15 minutes. There’s bible study tonight so that is definitely worth looking forward to altar building. But in all true sincere discpline, I am trying to drag myself to the gym. I have been w-a-y so-o-o s-l-a-c-k, just way so lazy I must say. I only have my weekly badmintons and that’s it. A sign of not prioritizing my time properly again and a great increase of procrastination nature. So un-sw.heh :p

Actually I am inspired by the change in Rudi from our meeting yesterday. A significant change in weight and he wasn’t even wearing stripes. Bridges well to my time with Subang folks yesterday. It was a nice afternoon working and hanging out with Jon, Kat and Rudi. They have been really kind to help out and it was nice to just mingle the afternoon together. Always, I’m encouraged by their friendship, talents and gifts and of course, their dedication to the Lord. Which makes the drive home back to Bangsar more interesting and reflective.

Right now, I’m so stuffed from dinner. It has been a week of that since mum’s birthday tonight and also other recent dinners. One of which felt like an auction or trade setting of children. I seriously think it’s Chinese way of indirect matchmaking where they size you up through the night and conversations. I obviously passed the test and promised my mum the best but also said, “let’s not make this matter a pest!”

Work has been excitingly engaging with much being thrown at me, I am still waving through the seas of tasks but finding good ground as I swim in it. Having the fact of needing to bring work home isn’t my ideal of a weekend. It’s not much but at least it gets it out of the way for the following week. Month October is going to be a red one. I am already preparing for it.

Personal objectives and environmental developments have been surging even. A very much undisclosed project that I have been working on has already picked up steam which means more attention needs to be behind it. I am excited but I feel stretched to some degree. The lack of time reserves not a chance for deeper interactions and most importantly, time for myself.

I think that’s why I decided to sit down tonight to blog. Maybe I’m just too tired and lazy to even get ready for bed. Everything has been quite on a run off late.

Facebook in view of research for soh hem sem phase 2 initiative has now begun a daily click of which I don’t really like honestly. There’s too much buzz and I am guilty of flirting with it at times. Personally, or perhaps just me, as much as I enjoy the filler of boring days at work but the time spent on it is quite a cumulative amount which could serve to a much better usage.

But again, we were just studying and analyzing trends off late. A young person today is able to have the TV on, listening to an ipod, talking on the phone and chatting on computer to multiples of people and give significant attention. I definitely fall into that cluster. The only consolation I can say, I’m still relevant to the market and that has helped greatly with work.

On a personal level I feel like I have not been sitting with God. Just spending some not more time with Him, to read, listen, pray and chew in reflection. I miss that period of having 3 days of taking in and really anchoring a very important lesson worth a memory. Guess the running mills of life do catch up with you. I’m glad though, I’m in a position where I am secure with the Lord, understanding that He is my saviour. The angle that I am coming is saying I have lacked my priority for Him. I have not been setting aside enough time. I do the bare minimum or catch the first few pages of his word.

I do enjoy reading his word. To appreciate it requires much time and pondering. I have been out of that zone. And I really need to start clearing some clutter again. It’s kinda like laying off the gym for many weeks and you then eat tons of good food, and you hope to console yourself by doing a 45 minute cardio workout once in that week. Both you and I know that ain’t going to work out. The senior in the house is feeling the worse sore right now as we speak.

But I have been enjoying my time; badminton is still one of my greatest love and to be able to play yesterday despite a day of stomach flu (i just learnt this), and to be able to play passionately and with such determination really lifted up my spirits. It’s sad that I can’t get back into training, I have already laid off for 2 months now. It’s the time and priority, I need to have better check and balance here. Can’t help it when you’re traveling for work or having other matters to attend to.

On the human architecture front, my time with the respective physiotherapist and podiatrist has been working well in my favor. Gratefully, I realized a claim when I was able to claim all my medical expenses with the podiatrist which has been a great blessing because it does cut rather deep in the pockets. I am now trying to work on the physio side with the company and if that happens (I’ll know next month), that would be just amazingly comforting. I really put quite a bit of dough behind this since MRI scans and the many sessions. I must say though, that it has really helped my shoulder a lot and will continue to facilitate my healing progress as I re-enter badminton and gym more seriously.

Headhunters have appeared, and some opportunities have been thrown in. Out of nowhere it just came. It means two things for me, a real surprise and I need to update my resume, coz I haven’t done it since Sara Lee. Personally, they have been some managerial offers and even though I am still an executive, I feel that there is so much that I am gaining from Sara Lee right now. I am doing many things way beyond my titlescope if I can say. Opportunities for me to try my hand and impress the journeys of making my mark. I have found great comfort especially learning from my superiors and they too, have placed faith in me. I am really thankful for this job and sometimes I easily forget to thank God and remind myself of this blessing that he has encountered me with. So in that sense, I guess I’m in a good busy sort of time and not the other way.

Character impressions and personality expressions have unfolded differently off late. Not a surprise to me but I am guessing it was bound to take shape sooner or later. Some have commented that I have become more serious and not as laugh-y anymore. They don’t think its a bad thing they are merely noticing the change. I guess that is somewhat true. I am probably more grounded right now and know my footing. I am also entirely aware of the struggles I have and trying to change myself through prayer and talking to the right people, merely learning how to carry my cross daily. And I am also passionate about things I never thought would be – ranging from books to music, writing to landscaping in any form be it literature or common forming architecture in listing through colors or by hand. I can’t believe that I also spend so much time thinking! I am now thinking to myself, well actually this thought has been coming in and out for many months, if I wasn’t a prodigal son in my early teens and strictly followed the book and academia, I’m quite sure I would have been quite a safe graduate with a protected environment. I would have followed so closely to laws of parents and honestly think I would have been married.

I guess what they didn’t know was God and I had other plans. And I decided to just that – to take stock of my life and God has every inch to do with it. So most of my conscious decisions right now stirs the direction towards such a path. I have been faithful in the monetary blessings in which I have committed since Sara Lee days. It is also time to see how that faithfulness can be stretched further, not just with money, but other things like – time for instance is a huge factor. Learning to make the wise choices as well.

I am definitely more cautious and more calculated now in terms of risk taking. I used to be such a reckless rodent in that class. Why the heavy reflection you might ask? It’s been a month of many weddings and birthdays, comes tomorrow morning I have another one. So the topic setting revolves around the big choices in life that we all make right now.

And if anything that I want to be really clear is merely addressing this simple question – Who am I?

Not who my friends think I am, not how my parents think I am but seriously looking inside and asking Him to reveal that so I may fully understand this. I think journaling helps for this.

And this is how I usually blog, I’ll unload everything and reading through once again just to see where may I draw inspiration from this entry.

Many good drinks
Too much food
Has the butter
Store up some clutter
Do not be a fool
And not have a stool
To listen to my King
It’s time to sit
To chew on spiritual meat
And have a praise of feast!

I wish myself Good morning
As if such times rolls out every season
Learning to sit
Is quite character
Learning to listen
Become maturity building blocks
I am learning
As the other is yearning
What can I do
But honestly sit and pray
In faith I will not fall astray
I need to surrender all
Which is really surrendering more
Visionless yet not painless
Neither stainless
There’s a reason for this grind
It’s so simple to say ‘Let’s put it behind’
Rather a salient grading
I continue to be quiet
To simply sit and listen
I am praying, earnestly seeking
As I run through the waters
May I find my rock.

This year was spent much with a couple whom I dearly respect and enjoy their company very much. I have amazing conversations with them when we finally sit down to catch up. To be able to share freely about our faith, and discuss struggles and most importantly to me – to be able to pray with them openly and share all that I am going through, is simply a time of eternal value in my opinion. Over the many months, as I continue to discover the word with them, I was loaned a bible and I have since found that bible very useful to me. I thought to myself, “I’m going to work on this one and till I’m ready, I’ll get my own”. Today was the day. For the past 2 weeks, I have been in and out of Glad Sounds (our Christian local bookstore). There was only 1 piece left of the new spirit filled bible by Nelson publishers. I really liked the cover when I saw it and the contents fitted what I was comfortable going through. Although the popular life application study bible was much recommended and much used, I felt I couldn’t really dive into it very much.

Anyway, at first glance, that was what I did, merely felt and had a look over it. I came back rather often to walk pass that bible and also having a chance to meet the lady of store, S. To build some background, S is actually from CDC, where a footstool member is from so it was kinda great to have some connection there. Naturally, she spoked about the ministry and how it has impacted her and was asking to see what has been happening. I shared briefly about the plans of next year. And again, I left it at that and carried on for the week before returning to Glad Sounds finally this afternoon after church. I had hopped over to Salvation to find too but it wasn’t what I was looking for and Evangel had not carry it and it was close anyway. I was thinking of buying Neil Hood’s Whose life is it anyway? for two friends but that will come another time.

Swinging by this afternoon for the final lockdown of that bible. I am glad it was there. I also spoke to the couple that I want get my own version of that bible soon. And I wanted it to be personal. So I asked if they could write something for me once I purchased it. They gladly agreed. When I decided on the bible, S mentions that the sale was just over last week and would have entitled me 30% off. Fairly disappointed she was quick to change the favour around when mentioning if you applied for membership you would still get a 10% discount and considering that you’re also in ministry (in this case Footstool), she offered another 10% on top of that. I was like, “Wah…PTL!” That was really nice of her I am very thankful, making the purchase more personal.

Naturally, I extended my appreciation and also asked her if she could write something on my bible because I wanted it to be witnessed by someone and she was rather surprised and found an honour doing so. She came then to shared a certain point of reference in which she was part of the administration of Calvary church before. And I spoke, I spent my kinder at Calvary, and *BANG* … this was surreal, coz she’s the supposedly the aunt of my calvary kindermates, and a whole bunch of names and kinder teachers came up. It was really fun, trying to map names to faces, and see how they were doing. Also my kinder teachers, where they are at now. Sadly, I found the kinder has closed down 4 years ago. I even narrated the famous sausage story of which I would daily be sharing food with this boy name Sean, and I always loved it when his mum made sausages for him. Then there were names like Lily, Ivy and Joshua too. Lily is married now. I told her, I’ll go back find an old album and bring it over to see whether we’re on the right track. Based on the year and timeline, it fits the bill. Lily is her niece, so that became more personal for an afternoon chat.

Naturally she progressed to see if I was married. Haha. I replied with a smiling no and … she was surprised with that fact considering her observations of what a unique young man that I was, being able to chat pleasantly and have good conversations. OK, at this point – I got a lil’ tongue tied and just responded with boyish grin instead. I thought it was simply nice to find a new friend in the faith just around the corner of your workplace and that one is able to pop by anytime. Furthermore, with kinder connections she just might seen me when I was still a young kid and a stock picture could be lying somewhere in the house.

A marking of page
May just set a new stage
I am excited with my new book
Knowing what it really took
To buy something personal
To have something eternal

Because I’m aware & conscious
That knowledge of truth is precious
I’m glad to have made the choice
For a better state of poise

:: recently, i have been just having more thoughts on God’s timing. The more conversations I have with various shadows continue to affirm that. It impresses me, having to gain that sense. Reading Jim’s journals also shows a true reflection on His timing. May our choice be of His timing with a perfect purpose.