“Love suffereth long, and is kind . . .” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is not premeditated, it is spontaneous, i.e., it bursts up in extraordinary ways. There is nothing of mathematical certainty in Paul’s category of love. We cannot say – “Now I am going to think no evil; I am going to believe all things.” The characteristic of love is spontaneity. We do not set the statements of Jesus in front of us as a standard; but when His Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard with out knowing it, and on looking back we are amazed at the disinterestedness of a particular emotion, which is the evidence that the spontaneity of real love was there. In everything to do with the life of God in us, its nature is only discerned when it is past.
The springs of love are in God, not in us. It is absurd to look for the love of God in our hearts naturally, it is only there when it has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.

If we try to prove to God how much we love Him, it is a sure sign that we do not love Him. The evidence of our love for Him is the absolute spontaneity of our love, it comes naturally. In looking back we cannot tell why we did certain things, we did them according to the spontaneous nature of His love in us. The life of God manifests itself in this spontaneous way because the springs of love are in the Holy Ghost. (Romans 5:5.)

Source: Oswald Chambers – my utmost for His highest

It doth not yet appear what we shall be.” 1 John 3:2

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere.

Common sense says – “Well, supposing I were in that condition . . .” We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.

We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, “Except ye become as little children.” Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

“Believe also in Me,” said Jesus, not – “Believe certain things about Me.” Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

source: Oswald Chambers – my utmost for His highest.

I wrote an extremely long and emotional poetic piece, which could just about lay me bare on this blogworld. But decided against it, when a dear friend said, “in your darkest moments, give Him praise. Shift your attention to him”

Thank you Lord. really, thank you.

The morning was a frustrating one. Having to rushed to Astro and not knowing the way exactly, a bit on the unfamiliar track once again. Having to missed the entrance caused me to do a ‘Tour de’KL’ and causing my tongue to do a near Tour De’ Anger/Lashing persona. Guilty as charge.

Oh, I was there for a photoshoot with JJ & Rudy for some stuff they did for Brylcreem. JJ thought I was a student interning at Sara Lee. Telling him my age didn’t help either. Sigh. They are both nice chaps.

I realized that we all can get like that. Frustrated easily in the more current ways of working life trapping closer to our own personal life. I was taken a fresh by a portion of writing from ODB.

When irritated and upset
Do you complain and gripe and fret?
Or is your life controlled inside
Because in Jesus you confide? – Branon.

When tempted to lose patience with others, remember God’s patience with you.

A lesson that I struggle to master and learn perfectly for every situation is never the same. Very much like a surfer catching a wave, it’s never the same wave. You ride high but mostly you hit a wipe out and get tired. The idea is to look to the sea and say, “I’m going back in…”.

I must look more inwardly and release anything of personal gain so that I may understand the real meaning of grace.

With so many wrong turns today running parallel to the other wrong turns I have taken, I think God is ultimately leading me on a journey of the understanding of grace. For He will lead you back.

I thought a Zoolander shot might lighten things up

I have been spending weeks crunching numbers and working with a market research analysis program that left me dumbfounded many times because I couldn’t just get it. I think i just didn’t push the right buttons.

After many attempts and accounts, I can finally say that I got it! I have just finished 15 reports for analysis work. Man, I’m giving myself a pat on the back. This whole field of work is totally foreign to me. If not for a very helpful colleague and mounting pressure to deliver (in a positive way), I think I’ll still be using the Excel to sum up expenses and count transportation costs. Heh.

I am quite overjoyed right now, for once, the number and clicking gave me a sense of satisfaction. I pray much that this infant skill will remain in me for the longest time because I see many accounts of such practice.

The soothing tunes of the WOW worship CD help kept things in perspective and to rely on Him further.

My slight fever and sore throat diminish after a light nap and some medicine. I took the opportunity to read a book and there are like stacks and stacks on the list for reading and I decided to pull ‘Through Gates of Splendour’ by E. Elliot.

I guess the book comes alive much more after knowing that you’ve played one of the key characters and through the many pages, I realize that Jim & Pete are persons who have a lot more in there to share than their surface achievements, and positions and academic qualifications. When they speak with God thoughts and inspiration, it really shows that the journey and closeness that they have with God.

I’m glad for that closing reading for the night that gave me a much much deeper peace once again.

oh, badminton sessions have been picking up…that means, shoulder is showing great progress. It’s been such a testful time for me and praying constantly for recovery.

Relieved. indeed relieved.
Relive. indeed relive!

I have been wanting to eat the Cottage Fries I bought. The last round, my younger bro whooped them all. This time, I hope to crunch at it while enjoying some good TV. But right now, the throat just hurts and I see myself gargling with salt water right after this. And porridge is on the menu tonight. Yea, I think I’m starting to fall ill. In more than one consumed way….

Over and out.

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There’s no way to measure what you’re worth

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There’s no way to measure what you’re worth

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

******

May this story be told everyday. From my mouth, from my heart.
My prayer – that my life be a living testimony of our Lord who first chose to die for me so that I may live.

To take up the cross daily is my personal responsibility.

May I remember this once again during Easter.

It’s 1:17 am. Melbourne time.
Currently tuning to Pan’s Labyrinth soundtrack.

A gentle melody with notes that trickle the heart and drives the imagination to wander into oblivion.

I am…still…here.

It’s my final night in Melbourne. After a scrumptious dinner at Old Kingdom which serves just about the best peking duck yet in my opinion and a walk around the crown casino looking at the Holdem tables and peering over the random Roulette and Pontoon tables sure brings back memories. Alas, it’s the old pages now. Not even an urging desire to land a few rounds. Grecco ensued after with coffee and fries. If you want to know anything about me, know this – I don’t like coffee. And I don’t like chocolates. Actually I am quite unaware of them e.g. AA Ball 2 years ago – Godiva chocs were given as door gifts, I didn’t know the quality of those chocs…so yeah, I just gave them away. Heck, I didn’t know it’ll cost a bomb. So yea, I had an iced peach tea instead. I drank quite a lot of those when I am here. It’s just refreshing. And milk. I like milk.

It was farewell tonight with some. After heavy conversations, catching up, teasing and verbal bashing in good friendship and exchange of smiles and laughter. It was time to say goodbye. The question posed to me for the night, “So after being here for 2 weeks now, what’s your feeling towards Melb? Anything at all?“

I thought about it - At first, I thought coming back after 2 years will give me a sense of remembrance how much I missed my university life over here. And if I had taken up the honours program and continued to live here, how would that be for me versus my current situation. I am glad I went home. The reason being, I think I found some really great gems back home.

Appreciation of family and further understanding and closer relationship build up.
The Footstool Players – of whom the team and ppl I have met along the way guided and inspire me in abundant ways.
Ironing out life itself and what more with Dad himself. The father figure that we all know the dealings.
My beautiful mother who knows what it means to be a person with a humble & genuine heart and who stay strongs in her conduct and self respect.
My siblings. My blood.
My current job – the journey that came with it and the experience on the job itself. Priceless.
And most importantly, my relationship with God was pivotal when I made the choice to go home. Father, you’re truly faithful for you planted all the keystones in my life for the past 2 years.

I remember someone once said – relationships are found in the right moments.

*******

I got some great shots from the trip. Tomorrow morning will be one where I’ll be taking a stroll near the gardens and snapping more shots before I jet off. The natural colours here really paint such a beautiful landscape for peaceful remembrance. I have fallen in love with nature’s landscape here. Imagine having a chance to wake up to it every morning.

Miss Saigon was a masterpiece. It was indeed a tragic love story. A beautiful crafted musical and that left me in awe and mostly, tons of goose bumps throughout the night. I have not felt so in a long time. To have a piece of an artistic canvas unfolding for 2 1/2 hours combining a good flow and tightness of the musical. I was left feeling – stoked. I love the arts. I just wished I could be more involved in it and also had the gift.

I thought the helicopter scene in Miss Saigon was flawless. Although one may guess, but the execution was brilliant. The magic and illusion of the arts is truly a moment catcher.

Love story. I love lovestories. The dialogue and passionate written script leaves me wanting for more and I always loved playing such a part. Can’t say the same for my actual love life, if any that is. And lyrical conversation with music just sends the cow to the moon. That is an ultimate lingering frontier. It brings meaning to an entire scene. The one love scene kept me glued and reminded me the importance of engaging the audience, being focus and true to the character.

I felt the breeze last night, in the faintest points of my soul. It’s autumn love. Indeed.

Other than the enjoyable splendid weather in Melbourne that I have been thoroughly flirting with (in case of daring to wear less so that one may feel more of the breeze and coolness), I have also done the couch potato thing that I have not done in a while.

I have finally covered Heroes Ep 1 – 18, indeed waiting for Ep 19 is going to be an exciting one. Wanted to dive right in to Prison Break but it seems it’s not playing on the dvd player. Guess Mr Miller would just have to wait, which is alright. I know of others who are carving his name to their chest and buying engagement rings. Nonetheless, I hear PB is more filled than Heroes but I really have to judge for myself.

Heroes. The different kind, they are special. But are they really? Do they want to be special? Some search for salvation through power. Some are searching for answers. Other want to learn how to control them. I see it as seeking for contentment. And we all go through different waves and lengths for it. Naturally, some get hurt and destroyed along the path. But we know that there is Hope out there.

Since PB isn’t taking a spot, I thought a little blogging would be nice. I’ll be catching Miss Saigon tonight and looking forward to it. It’s probably the first musical this year for me and also any form of theatre act to begin with. This year has been real slow in that department. I’m also wondering how Jarum Halus is taking place and looking forward to seeing a few shadows and catching up on progress. Well, I can’t think about the ‘if’ situations anymore, have to lay it to rest and support all I can in the work of JH. I am really excited for it too!

2 more days before I head home. It’s been great over here. There had been a few disappoinitng pinches but all in all, I think this trip was really for me. Catching up with friends, having the great eats. Oh, I finally had Suzuran today. I really have to put up a pic of their sushi and sashimi. It’s like the raw bomb!

The fate of Soh Hem Sem (a post later on that experience) also takes its second hair splashing wind when I return. I don’t know how the viral has been seeding out and hope that we’ve picked up some better catches and volumes. I’m also busting my mind thinking of new approaches and strategies building the SHS & Wax series up which I believe has a strong percentage in taking up some market share. I need a homerun on this.

I also spent some time reading – Blue Ocean Strategy (a very interesting book), Bible (never fails to tug the heart), Think & Grow Rich (a book dad gave which I continue to read it over and over again, it’s my first book from him). Taking this rest time to read and stretch the mind in other formats.

On a more financial reality, I have been visiting the bank rather often and speaking to a financial planner and also spending some time researching on what I would like to do with some of my funds here. I’m making the call tomorrow. Pray for wisdom in this area. I think ultimately this has been a responsibility waiting to take charge and I think the time is now. I have planted some seeds and it’s time to anchor the uncertain ones for sure.

Life is picking up real fast I must say. 27 and it’s April now. Whizz Whizz – next year beckons?

Who is the Hero then?