Archive for October, 2005

Bitter pill

Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I assure you that you can say to this mountain, ‘May God lift you up and throw you into the sea, ‘ and your command will be obeyed. All that’s required is that you really believe and do not doubt in your heart. Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” (Mark 11: 22-25)

As I was preparing for sleep, lights off and ready to head off to dreamland, somehow I just didn’t rest well, in peace. I decided to read the word and journey with God again to see what unfolded. The daily issues or worldly incidents reminds me the struggle of being a beacon for Him. Thankfully, I have the scripture to take heart and the fact that I’m serious with God, I do take his word seriously.

Have faith in God.
Do not doubt in your heart.
First forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against.

I do have faith in God, and its the consistent journey with Him that keeps me afloat in my walk. The room for doubt has always been an issue, we doubt…we constantly doubt, since the time of Adam & Eve. I am guilty for doubting and the main reason why we sometimes runaway from God, the fear and the doubt that hovers over us like a dark cloud. If there is any consolation, God is in control and therefore, have faith in God.

Grudges and forgiveness. I admit, that I do have an issue with this. I often forget easily to pray for forgiveness first and just dive into the holy praiseworthy prayer! Let’s get real, we deal with worldly struggles daily, circumstances that hit us hard and just bite us where it irritates. For me, not with so many people, but particular someone that really gets to me.

I am still praying about it, but I have approached it wrongly all this while. The change should be inward, from within, from ME. Definitely, eating a humble pie tonight. But sigh, its so hard when you know that person constantly crosses the line every single time and it just pisses me off!

Its been unhealthy for me to be thinking about it so much and putting myself on a stand where I acknowledge Christ and choose to be like him. I am only human afterall, and I do get discouraged dealing with the circumstance. I guess, I’ll just have to wait on it and take it one step at a time.

I am going to swallow a bitter pill now and pray, to forgive the one that I hold a grudge against.

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Footstool.Oktoberfest.Pygmalion (FOG)

I am currently stuffed from the late dinner we had. Fortunate enough to be blessed by the folks at Klang Jaya Gospel Centre after the performance. Yup, we had performed there tonight. Hope that we have minister in some effective way to the people there.

Anyway, I thought since I can’t actually sleep now, figure I should just blog it out.

First, Foostool tonight. I had a nagging headache which I did not expect it to come so strongly during performance. I had felt the headache coming about while setting up but thought nothing of it. As we went on to do our warm ups, it had gotten more disturbing. I was thinking to myself, should be ok-lah, it’ll probably go off in a while. I’m not usually a case of prone headache syndrome so I therefore dismiss the possibility of it lingering for long. But this time, it did.

Should have taken that panadol which Adrene offered.

Anyway, the headache did affect me. I thought I lost focus during performance because the pain kept coming and going, so it really distracted me. Thankfully, by grace indeed, I managed to pull through. Probably the most prominent moments of distortion was during The Untouchables, I nearly lost it man. And, Salt and Light; my line is “Lives that heal the hurts that surround us”. Wah lau…I went like “Lives that love and surround…*blank*….give us! (said this in an assertive manner). I just threw something there and acted confident as it was part of the script and moved on. Afterall, I know the script the audience don’t know the script (note: ck :]). *Whew*…that kinda saved me. To top it all, my ulcer was the least of the problem. At any rate, I am thankful that we still manage to reach out to the people.

And that’s the whole intention anyway, to serve God and offer our best for He’ll do the rest. Humanly convenient, we sometimes focus on the details of the minute that really just doesn’t matter because ultimately the entire play manage to pull through. However, one should not rest in that accord but should strive to achieve excellence.

I definitely need a good rest tonight, we’re going to PJ EFC tomorrow. Adrene, another player has also been unwell. Remember her in prayers too, if you may.

****

Oktoberfest. RM 1 beers! RM 9 german meals! Oi, this is Malaysia lah, where got so good one! True enough, it had failed to live up to its presentation of information on the flyer. Con job lah! By the time I got there, with Terence and Charity. 5:30 pm odd or so, some of the people there, the faces were red (probably from rm1 beers). Oktoberfest started at 5, I got there 1/2 hour later, rm1 promotion….SOLD OUT!! What the?? I think they allocated like 100 bottles or so and I overheard some waitress saying that ppl came by and tah-pau somemore!!! Sigh, this is Malaysia la…

Anyway, we settled for 4 warm beers for RM50 and had a sharing platter for RM 69 between Terence, Charity, Jon, Daniel and I. By the time we were done, it just had tickled our stomach and we were dissatisfied and had decided to venture elsewhere after our disappointing oktober fiesta. Oh, and Terence had gone over to Zing suggesting to change rm1 coins and therefore had 24 coins in total. He ended up using a coin to pay for parking instead. Haha :)

The guys and gal went to Thomas Kinkade art gallery for a look-see. Terence was fascinated by the whole setting and the man behind it all, ‘painter of light’. I would like to have one of those paintings one fine day.

In the end, we settled our night at Dave’s pizza which turned out fairly alright. The only downside? The expectance of spending rm20-30 tops for the night had resulted in many times more. Oh well, nonetheless a fun night :)

****
Pygmalion. OK, I’m tired now. Shall write on this one the next time. Time for bed :)

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Ulcer

Man, I have an ulcer, a rather huge one, resting on my upper lip. It hurts and its being a nuisance. If I aggravate it too much when I speak or laugh or even smile extensively, the ulcer will gash upon my brackets (braces) causing me pain. If you are reading this, please pray for me, prompt recovery. Footstool Players will be at Klang Jaya Gospel Centre and PJ EFC this week, remember us in prayer. For me, I do hope the ulcer heals by then or else it’ll be entirely inconvenient for me to speak comfortably and that really matters.

On an another note, soon enough, I’ll be sharing about some issues rather personal to my heart and mind. Some things that have been troubling me and has made me come around to figure out a lot. Also, just something I need to get it out of my system. I know for sure, as October ends (i.e. Runaway Bride), something else is going to start. I guess I need some guidance and probably wisdom counsel before I move on. I hope when I do share, some valuable and constructive feedback will form and help me make my decision. If I knew what I wanted to do, I wouldn’t be here stating it. Also, as friends, you journey with me and I value your inputs but ultimately the deciding hammer is in my hand.

Oktoberfest and Pygmalion. Sigh. No comment for today. Will write more soon.

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Rain

I love rain. It cools the day and the breeze that comes through after is just so relaxing. So here I am, typing away with the windows wide open. We need more consistent rain like that, it’ll be nice to see the city at night from this.

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Looking forward

Pygmalion! Looking forward to this musical on Thursday. Got our tix and pretty decent seats. Would love to see how the bigger hall looks like. I should have look up for the Pygmalion script to read about to get a feel of the whole story n lot. Other than the synopsis, that’s about it. However, I’m always amazed by talented singers with amazing voices and coming alongside with acting, perfect! I always tell Charity, “I want to sing, but I have no talent!!!” Hahaha! Nonetheless, she has taken a new responsibility recently, by grace and mercy, she has…..read on :)

Happening this weekend, going for the friday evening session. Can’t wait. Love german food, german beer has a personal taste for me. Actually, my Belgium favourite, Hoegaarden (Huu-harrkh-herrh [so, charity says :p]), she’s the linguist. Anyway, my passion for food and good deals will see me shine in this venue. Good company and great food with good pricing. Bliss :) *Achtung!*

I started my first piano lesson a week ago. My teacher, haha…charity herself. Woo hoo! Patience she might have, knowledge she definitely does, technique and teaching experience is also evident; she teaches sunday school, she can probably handle a 25 year old mama’s boy! But yeah, I’m praying for her that she may be able to survive with me well. On the bright side, at least we’re learning from one another. Ok, I haven’t taught her anything substantial just yet but I’m sure I’ll come around.

Anyhow, I need to practice the piano more. So far I’ve only learnt 3 scales and 1/4 of song from Bach. And, I have only practiced once since class day. Sigh sigh… :)

I am also back to my exercising regime. Been working on the rowing machine, trying to increase cardio activity and go for more mass size. The usuals, exercise, diet and sleep are essential. Need to balance that out well for effectiveness.

Katie Melua – Nine million bicycles. Interesting song.

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The balanced love of acceptance

I have been meaning to write in. So here I am, finger laying on the keyboard with my mind focus, ready to splurge my thoughts. But, I have NOTHING! It’s always like that, I just have to dig deeper into my reserves and before you know it, everything will be out and then, a long entry it is :)

For starters, some have msged in asking for prayers. I have been praying for YOU. I’m sure all will come around real soon :) For others, as always, great friendships are hard to find, friends like you will always be an amazing bunch. Many of you, I journey with and I do thank God for this blessing indeed. I am glad that I’m having a more balanced life now. There’s nothing in the world that ignite my desires to go to the extreme and risk everything.

Recent lesson learnt. God’s love, again. This time, another facet that sheds new light. His unfailing love for us, the love that He has made so perfect for us. Its incredible to see that He still pursues us in that love no matter what. God doesn’t need us but still becomes that compassionate figure reaching out to each and everyone of us. Yes, I could live without his love, but would I be at peace. When God asks, “Do you love me?”, he is asking do you want this perfect love of mine to be pour out onto you, to fill your void. His unfailing love has become a recent and consistent reminder to me. One should smile in joy when one understands the significance of this portrayal.

Many a times, its me (us) who run away from God, because of fear, because of other desires and because of other motives for our own gain. I have ran much in my life, ran enough to see much of the world; I’m tired, honestly, of running away. Now I’m home. Having said that, the journey on the way home has been an insightful one, if I had not run so much, I would not have understood the power of His love.

When I first started with Footstool Players, I was thinking to myself on the castings that I was given. Page 1 of ‘Runaway Bride’ script. I play Jesus. *Gasp*Aiks*Are you serious??* You gotta be kidding me!!*. I was hoping to land another role, the bride? Well, some friends has mentioned that I have it in me after my portrayal of “She’s just trash” :)

Daunting as ever, I took that leap of faith and dive in to experience being Jesus for a moment. It had opened new doors, new desires to search Him. I spent time reading the word, getting a feel of how he is, reading the stories He told his people.

Most of the time, my only thought was this, “Why Jesus, why did you do it? Why did you allow this?”. As I read on, he explained the stories and unfolded the meaning to many of my questions. To see such love pour out to his people and I’m a child of his, holding that key to spread his message has never been so real till now.

However, I admit, there’s a long way to go. There are still prisoners in my heart, in the dungeons of my hatred mold. To free them I must, God willing. I must learn to let go, let God.

:: Father, as you work on polishing my rough edges, I thank you for the time you have invested and wanting to see me shine. I thank you for the people you have introduced to tell me, I’m not walking alone.

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INFJ

Your Type is
INFJ
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
44 25 62 1
Qualitative analysis of your type formula
You are:
  • moderately expressed introvert
  • moderately expressed intuitive personality
  • distinctively expressed feeling personality
  • slightly expressed judging personality

What does this mean?

INFJ type description by D.Keirsey

The Portrait of the Counselor Idealist (iNFj)

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and directive and introverted in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another’s emotions or intentions — good or evil — even before that person is conscious of them. This “mind-reading” can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others’ feelings so keenly. Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

INFJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging by Joe Butt Profile:

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists — INFJs gravitate toward such a role — are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of ‘poetic justice’ is appealing to the INFJ.

“There’s something rotten in Denmark.” Accurately suspicious about others’ motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and “live in the here and now” of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking
The INFJ’s thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ’s thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ’s arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the “SP wannabe” side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it’s not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

Famous INFJs:
Nathan, prophet of IsraelAristophanesChaucerGoetheRobert Burns, Scottish poet
U.S. Presidents:
Martin Van Buren
James Earl “Jimmy” Carter
Nathaniel HawthorneFanny Crosby, (blind) hymnistMother Teresa of CalcuttaFred McMurray (My Three Sons)Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassadorMartin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyrJames Reston, newspaper reporterShirley McClain (Sweet Charity, …)Piers Anthony, author (“Xanth” series)Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)Tom SelleckJohn Katz, critic, authorPaul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)Billy CrystalGarry Trudeau (Doonesbury)Nelson MandelaMel GibsonCarrie FisherNicole KidmanJamie FoxxSela WardMark HarmonGary DourdanMarg HelgabergerEvangeline LillyTori May

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judgingby Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally “doers” as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious “soul mates.” While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent “givers.” As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood — particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a “tug-of-war” between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the “inspirational” professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of “hard logic”, and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* — the dominant function for the INFJ type — which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much “systems builders” as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ “systems” are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually “blurrier” than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted — yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

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Runaway Bride pictures






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Quick updates

I know my previous post had a bunch of Runaway Bride pictures. After a couple of comments suggesting that the pictures are somehow distorted or skewed, I have since remove them. However, I shall post them up again soon, once I find the appropriate tool for uploading. Any suggestions, do respond!

***
I went to collect my full medical check up results today. And….*gasp*aiks*argh*….it seems that I’m fine :) Except for the following; my LDL cholestrol is quite high (3.49), ideally should be <2.58.>see-ham, balitong, prawns etc). Sigh, want me to kill myself meh? This is Malaysia, Hello! We live to eat-lah! I’ll probably cut back on it for now, but being creatures of habit…ngek ngek…I’ll probably dive back to it soon enough. But, this I will, step up on cardio, which means more time will be spent on the rowing machine! I don’t like the rest of the other cardio machines, so ya.

On a flipside, mum had her results picked up too. She is potentially diabetic, according to the doctors, so she has to be careful. Doctors has mentioned, ask her to cut down on her carbohyrates (hongkies will say it car-bo-HY-drates!hahaha). He recommended her not to eat too much rice, but mum loves rice. Further mentioned, don’t eat chinese, don’t eat malay and don’t eat indian food, then you won’t each too much rice. I replied to the doctor, “Might as well move to another country lah!” hahaha.

***

I received my weekly Footstool Players mail update from Colin. This time round, the feedback responses were high in numbers. Wow, praise God. It gives the members a source of encouragement, a moment to reflect and ponder on how God is amazingly working in many lives, to pray for the team, for the people who have shared their convictions. It is definitely a strong reminder of God’s love. In addition, it just gives me a personal satisfaction to be able to see something mature after one has invested much time and effort to a piece.

Jesus Christ. Yup, that’s His name. For me, saying His name sometimes gives me the shivers because I would want to use it in the right context and with much adoration and respect, for sure. What’s even more daunting, playing the role of Jesus Christ. It is so in our of the sketches of Runaway Bride. Its definitely a toughie for me, I mean like, does anyone know how Jesus is really like? Coz I don’t, I am investing my personal thoughts and then portraying how best I can, so the delicate balance is sometimes striked as a sensitive press to step on. To show compassion and not being stumbled upon as a pathetic begging sort, and to be authoritative and dignified and not being seen as emotional-less and one dimensional. It’s been a challenge for me to fine tune this character, but I am not discouraged at all. I take it with passion because it gives me that avenue to explore, the 7 minutes I have as Jesus, allows me to be a moment in that true character.

***
I have also recently been blessed with great company. It’s been such joy sharing my journey with you. I regard you as in 3 words:-

1. Intelligent
2. Humble
3. Beautiful

And you put me in these 3 words:-

1. Sweet
2. Contemplative
3. Unassuming

So as you may be ESTP and I’m INFJ, it’ll be exciting to see where our future heads. I am definitely excited sharing life with you. I am also thankful for God to shower His love upon me that I may then shower in unto you. For once, I love not because one self but because of God’s love.

Agape.

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Good morning, sunshine!


I woke up with a beautiful morning, birds chirping in pleasantness, the sun shines warmly to tell me that its a new day. Let me dig deep into my reserves and share. I spent the many weeks thinking and mugging over a few thoughts. Here I am again on that thinking-feeling mode, where the heart and mind conflicts nevertheless tells me to persevere.

For those who are familiar with me, Runaway Bride has been the most challenging and exciting experience for me. There is much value in that journey, rich in teaching, expounding in experience and honestly, I have met a great team, new friends and people that are worth sharing life with. My scars and worries seems afew now with them around. Sometimes, I could just smile thinking about it. And what makes me tear is God’s love. The more we present Runaway Bride, the stronger the realization that God is in my life, the essence of his is never ending, never fading and it hurts for me to leave Him or vice versa (which I know He won’t).

Being an actor had allowed me to invest, invest real emotions into portraying a character of life for a moment. And never once, the portrayal is ever the same, never once can I ride on the previous attempts. Even the physicalities, the projection of voices, the investment of emotion clearly differs one from the other. It may be the same for God too, how much I say I need in my life varies every single second of my life, different emotions are conjured for the never once the same situations. Isn’t that a beauty where to know the uncertainties of events but the certainty of God is always present.

God teaches, and He is sure is funny. As I spend time in the word, He never fails to amaze me, never fails to give a slap in the face by telling stories to the people and asking them questions after where those stories were meant to wake them up. I am done living for the world, I am tired of investing my time in secularity. I can’t justify the positive results that may potentially arise. Not that I’ll head all radical for God now. One person once said, non-christian, “Its not that I have something against Jesus, its their fan club that scares me!”. I just smiled in ponder.

What a year of change for me. Physical drop of mass, a change of heart, a humble lesson on braces wearing once again for the mis-steps in my dental journey, a foot in the family business and a foot out wanting to do your own thing, the rotating visits around the dinner table where a father and son talks about life, a young man runs to people for advice but still lingers around the thoughts of ‘what should I do?’

Oh well, I wish I knew the answer. I wish you knew and could tell me. Hmm, the birds have stop chirping, guess they gave up telling me too. While the sun still shines warmly, a thought just came into my head. If the birds represents the human shadows in life, it may suggest that everyone would want to say something in your life but stops after a while. The sun represents God, although silent, His consistent warmth shines throughout and which ever step you may take, there is a light guiding you. I am now looking out the window, sparking a new interest and new outlook towards this desire. Sometimes worldly circumstances may cloud the sun, like the clouds closing the sun rays making our world seems dull and dim, but it doesn’t represent that God isn’t there. So take heart, that every morning, when you are awake, God wakes with you. When you take your first step out the door, He is shining upon you to make the choices in life.

:: Wow, this came out of the blue, thank you Lord for an inspiring thought this morning. Helps me come back to you humbly and in heart filled with desire.

I’ve been praying for a certain choice in my life, a certain change. I am not sure if I’m getting too far ahead of myself. I would love to share it here on the blog. This has been a long entry, maybe the next one. If I do, pray with me, feed me encouragement or your thoughts. It would help very much.

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