A series of unfortunate events. I heard there’s a movie of that title, but I have never watched it. Jim Carrey stars and the ending does lead to a pulsating sadness? At least that is what I gathered from human reviews. I too, heard a story, a true story of sadness last week. I had just finished being part of the story, and personally, my engagement to this story will continue to be in light to whatever support and help I can offer.

A good friend’s father recently passed away, his death was certainly sudden and had shocked many. It shocked me as it was reveal through the medium of TheStar online. I never personally knew the father well, but I know my friend. Our friendship began since our primary school days, and to date, I am guessing that we have 18 years of friendship in savings with an interest rate that continues to bound us as we continue to take our different courses in life.

With such a sudden condition, last weekend was dealt with a heavy burden, and honestly to say, many of our school friends came together, once again, after a very long while. This unforseen circumstance brough everyone together, for live and death is of natural breath but it is death that creates a much bigger impact over celebration.

My prayers are out to the family, and I have personally taken an account to help them as I see fit for as mentioned, in such an untimely manner of the father’s departure has left many things in a stand still to some degree. I am trying not to go into too much detail, for I would like to keep it just as it is. Some of you may know him, to those who studied with him in primary and secondary. You would and do know whom I am talking about in due time.

May I ask that you help pray for this family in this time of grief. Pray for the mercy and love from God to pour over them and sustain the family throughout and that in any manner at all, may strong blessings and any form of encouragement continue to survive them through this time. As I visualise the different scenes that had taken place this weekend and to my last visit an hour ago, they need prayer. I am glad though that the father was a member of Christ, a faithful serving one with an awesome gift that he possessed, yet used it to glorify God. What a pianist he was, for you can see the living evidence in their children!

Faith, hope & love could not be further defined by the sensational win of Liverpool FC. Simply amazing! To those who had watched, to those who are fans, to those who breathe and live the air of Liverpool itself, it was your win! What a game!

To think that the release of Star Wars was the highlight of the month, I strongly think that the match Liverpool had won (from a comeback trail!) against AC Milan takes the new blessings. It was unexpected, it was judge to be written off but something happen, something clearly happen during the half-time.

What possibly could the manager have said, those words of encouragement, planting the vision in the players to strike forth a comeback and win with that, what were the chances!

In the first half of AC Milan reign of a 3-0 steadily implanted the thought that they already had one hand on the cup itself, the hope and possibility of securing the other hand was not too far away, not at all. At least they thought.

Moments are created, are defined by actualization of faith. It was clear, that Liverpool created moments, moments that will be resting in each and every fan for many many years to come. 3 goals in 6 minutes to bring forth an equalizer is simply gorgeous! That window crumbled every pillar of hope from the Milanians, where as the spirits of the Liverpoolines were aiming high and might.

The penalty had determined the winner and Liverpool was ushered the cup and the rest, was simply history. A history that made many teared, many prayed and to the many young ones, that might just say “I want to be a Liverpool football player when I grow up!”

Such a powerful potrait of the qualities of faith, hope and love. With this, I must say, the injection of confidence has now become the new drug to thrive for and the passion that cannot be altered, at least not within 6 minutes….

In many occasions I fall short of being serene, the wishing moments of striving just a lil’ bit more rest in me. I surrender. If I only knew what was coming, then I may not have so many doubts. But now, preseverance has never been so evident as of now. The whispering faith is fading, yet the calling from within struggles to pull me back. I am shaken, definitely shaken. This is definitely a lonely war to the top.

The rain this afternoon sets the backdrop for my current mood. The constant falling rain drops exaggerates the intensity of my feelings; being grumpy. I’m only human. What seem not pleasing to the eye has resonate with how I feel towards it.

Considering yesterday I had an eventful day of doing some binge writing, completing three what I would like call, personal articles; I came out satisfied. Not going into too much detail but the articles were named ‘Building blocks for The Untouchables’, ‘Cosmetic Surgeon’ and ‘Hunchback Sunday’ respectively. All the pieces are somehow inter-related and upholds the same reality. It’s usually the case ain’t it, one discomfort leads to a solution with the search of high and low till the discomfort is neutralize. So there I was, figuring out the momentum and trying to develop a multi-dimensional purpose for my character, I stumbled upon the birth of these written stories. Many thanks to J and A for sharing interesting insights, and helping me develop the theme further.

Today, in less than an hour from now, I am prompted to head up to Subang for rehersals and may lead me to generate this forming character that I have been struggling with. It’s the formulization to the audience that shivers me, I come shy to deliver.

I feel restless today, in a grumpy way. I seem unsettled with my composure. The best outlet for me is the gym, where I push myself till defeat. Hoping to hit the gym after practice at The Curve and get the frustration out of my system. Another outlet is to clean, to clean my room and put things in order, only then it seems to me I have regain control. If I’m permitted to, after work; the giant vacumn cleaner will rise and suck all the nonsense away.

“Have you read the word today?”

Somehow, this statement is still lingering in my mind and deems for a response. As if, there is something more than just I am trying to take it at face value. A new outlet soon?

Given the long weekend, many are out having a good time or either journeying back from their well deserved vacation, while others may have the pleasant convenience to go back to their hometowns for a break. Everyone has probably spent their weekend fruitfully I presume.

As for me, tossing and turning around in bed, whilst reflecting and trying to figure out certain issues with the company of my four walls was not very encouraging. I am still working through them as I write. I think too much, way too much for my own good. Sigh.

I never slow down but yet I can be the laziest slob around. It’s like cooking something that looks burnt but yet under cook when you’re eating it. How does that work? Just to clarify, this does not mean I am sharing from personal experience, I mean, the analogy is, but the actual cooking experience is not! :p

So there I was, turning to my next outlet; music. Tuned on with some easy listenings with the greats such as Pachebel, Clayderman and friends….it took me to a new haven of peace and quiet. After much reading done today, mostly on the success stories of Malaysians and what nots, reading about the portfolio of different companies left me with a painful headache to nurse. The fighter in me, tries to search for answers to these success stories but once again, I am reminded by Him.

“For our time on earth is only temporal, but life in heaven is eternity….have you read the word today?”

I easily forget, my duty and my purpose yet so enthralled with the things around me. I forget the simple building blocks of my life with asking Why and How to things that matters. Why am I feeling/acting/performing/struggling this way? How do I overcome/fix/comprehend/medidate/discuss this issue?

I was praying after being unable to sleep. I should be thankful, usually my prayers begin with, “Father in Heaven…..(snooze)….” When morning comes, “Yawn…(clears throat)……AAh-men”

I think the lesson learnt tonight; as I was praying after throwing around the many thoughts in my head yet feeling so restless to approach Him, a reply from an earlier sms ended with, “Did you spend time reading the word today?” left me in a condition where my resting eyes begin to widen and my heart stirs for this entry.

When I check my blog to see a new comment with wanting details, and on how and why; I somehow knew and felt that this entry was meant for tonight.

I think many of us go through life forgetting the details in our lives, we forget the simple doings and reflecting on why we take on a certain stand. Like the waves slapping the shores, beneath the currents pulling us away from our focal point; I feel lost and tired too swimming in the sea of today’s world.

I fail to remember, the sand that I step on, soft and mild to the skin, the rays from the sun igniting a new canvas for memories, the seashells that we may find and polish to keep as a collection over the years.

I forget easily how Jesus died for me, the love he continues to pour through other people I meet, I missed out on the details of my life that Jesus has changed, I simply had forgotten to ask him after saving me, “Why did you?”. Lastly, I had forgotten to ask him, “How could I ever repay you?”

In a week of well learnt moments, I’m now reflecting the passage that I have been through this week. It’s been a challenging one. From my last entry and now with a surpassing finding, I hope this will be an enlightening one.

After taking a certain matter into my own hands; to have control and make a stand point, I am somehow ‘lost in translation’.

The roots within me has reminded me clearly, once again, is believe on your own. Take pride and passion in your takings, that whatever you place your hands on, work it with faith, integrity and mindfully. Only then, will you reap the burning passion and continue to strive to excellence.

When you have something delivered to you like a platter, the appreciation would probably be minimal.

I have learnt this week, if you want things to fall into place, you want to get things done right. Do it yourself!

“Excuses hold us back…no one else”

Testing brings growth. Everytime when I am shaken off out of my comfort zone, I feel uneasy. Nonetheless, when we encounter difficulty, it demands a response. We can be pulled along by the darker side of our human nature, or we can respond with integrity. The way we respond to certain challenges and even certain thoughts that pop into our mind goes a long way in shaping our character.

To have a character a class above everyone else, to be in control of the game. There are certain measures and sacrifices that meets. The dealings come in as part of life, leaping for higher grounds, searching for a brighter star.

To have a heart to truly serve, inspire and offer blessings is a sacrifice on its own. Believing with a passion that molds my character with integrity has now shape a new a cloud. Like an oyster taking its shape over time. A run with the wind may seem so invisible but when you close your eyes and run with the wind, the journey of new experiences take its fold.

Can you feel the breeze from the class above?

In spite of the moderate day and a new zing added in my secular activity, I shade the day off with a slight grunt in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I’m just talking to the wall. No matter how many times, I clarify my intentions and my understanding for the situation….YOU!

(Sigh) Honestly, I really don’t get you.

“Excuse me, I need to take my shower.” And that was my last breath of conversation that hangs in the air with more compressed feelings and emotions, which I feel once again, that it has been pushed to the side.

Do you not understand my thoughts? Do we even share the same sentiment?

There is such a stir going on, that I am unsure how I should manage the condition of my feelings. If I lashed out directly, the chain reaction could be disastrous. I rather not. In keeping silence, and with hope that it just wasn’t the day for this; questions me even further.

I think many years ahead, I’ll still be dealing with the same emotionally bonded tangle. Times like these, I feel lost and afraid to push the limit, for I want to respect and not despise the condition.

Does anyone out there hear me?

:: Father, I rather have simplicity in my life. I feel so tired working through the same ordeals with ‘the wall’ continuously. At times, it deflects supportive rays where as tonight, the wall just came down on me over the most sensitive areas of my life. I am lost, Father. I lift this up to you and may you grant me the patience, the heart for reaching out a peace and compliance to mark my honesty, truthfully.

I think God is teaching me an important lesson this year. The inclination of being ‘kick in the butt’ seems prompting. I feel being thrown to the deep end to everything this year. I am very nervous and scared. At times, I brush off such feelings with an ease of a ‘half-past-six’ attidude. God is somehow reminding me as you learn and observe with the evolving process of being in the image of Him, I have to let go….let God!

I couldn’t see a more appropriate time but to seek Him in prayer. So much on my plate, yet I am willing to go the mile but at a reluctant speed. Thriving potential, challenging perspectives and breaking new barriers has not become so alive until now.

I have learnt that there are many out there who are willing to teach, if only you dare to learn. Tonight, I am reminded about being daring in my takings. Previously, I thought I knew a lot, I thought I had it all figured out. Needless to say now, I am wrong, eating the humble pie has become a shove into my face.

To be multi-dimensional in the areas I seek interest in has required a great effort from me. Though I am glad to know, that there are people watching my back and are supporting me. Being an attentive listener as a practice has never been so revealing till today.

Lucky, is such a fat blob. As a senior citizen of the house, she is lazier than ever now. Her response, don’t make too much noise, I want to lie down and Zzz…

It’s been a while since I enjoyed a phone chat that re-lives the great memories of just yaking away, laughing and feel a cheerful blimp to make a difference. It’s good to have connectivity when you least expect it.

I did some housework today, upkeep the minimal level of dust and debris in this house.

I love it when it rains in KL, the cooling breeze through the open door with the dazzling drops coming by prompts to wish a nice gazebo with blinds, where I’ll be just sipping some good drinks listening to good music and read a book. Which all just leads to a nap anyway.

I am trying to copy out a whole bunch of korean movies into my computer and watch them later.

Footstool practice in the evening and possibly watching Kingdom of Heaven after.

This is Sunday for me.

We had our first practice tonight, the assemblement of the Footstool Players 2005. *Trembles* What an interesting session it was, I’m really blessed to be a part of them this year. From what I have absorbed, the guys are really good at it…man, it tenses me!

As I am meddling through the various scripts now, I can’t help to realize the simple noting and fundamentals of being a christian. In our modern society today, I feel strongly that we have lost touched with many areas of our lives. Everyone feels somehow afraid to give more than they should, and receive in doubt of what the actions of others inflict on them. It’s unfortunately sad.

I am reminded through this avenues tonight, that I can give a lot more and potentially express to mark an impression in this cold world. The higher ranks of society with the ground rats out for crunches needs some sort of injected tender sensitivity in them.

We’re losing the art of having relationship with one another without thinking ‘what’s in it for me?’

Even the church has lost some of that sentiment, instead different masks are worn for different occassions. Only the healthy ones belong in this section, where as the unfit can you kindly proceed to another aisle for later disclosure.

It was through tonight, that I plead guilty to some actions of such nature as well. I have become guarded with my conditions.

I am thankful with the outlet I have now, I can feel human once again and not be cast as a bitter workaholic. Speaking of work, I had the pleasure of beta testing the oyster promotion set in our place. I get to eat oysters and give my indications on the presentations and taste. Squeezed lemon with red wine vinegar and shallots with a touch of tabasco sauce is an ultimate high. It brings out a sharp taste and light spicy tinge for flavour.

I have to cut this short, dad came in to the chat….another long lecture :p